Saturday, September 13, 2008

Paying It Forward, Complacency, Et Cetera...

(I am trying to consolidate my blogs so that I can just have one. This is a blog I posted on September 13, 2008.)

The last few days, I have been in a total funk. I feel like I'm trying to be the best mom/wife/daughter/friend that I can be and yet, I don't feel like I'm getting anything back. I don't mean that everyone in my life is taking advantage of my kindness, I just don't feel the sense of satisfaction that I should be feeling. I am a born again Christian and truly believe that my reward is in Heaven, but sometimes I want to feel just a little bit of a reward here on earth. Selfish? Perhaps, but I'm only human and this human can not live by good deeds alone, but by a little appreciation here and there.
I was pondering this last night (while sitting in my perpetual puddle of pregnant tears) and realized that this doesn't just happen to me. I'm sure most people feel unappreciated at some point and some more than others. And usually, it's the people closest to us that make us feel this way. Complacency is such a bad thing. We grow so used to people doing things for us out of the kindness of their heart that we begin to look upon these things as their sense of duty. The terrible thing is...I'm guilty of it too. I'm guilty of taking the little things for granted, even though I generally make a conscious effort to be appreciative. I cringe to think that perhaps I have made those I love feel like I didn't appreciate the things they have done for me.
I believe in the Ethic of Reciprocity (aka The Golden Rule). And I believe that if you pay it forward, you get it back. So, if you are in my life, and I have made you feel unappreciated, thank you. Thank you for the things you've done, even if you did it out of a sense of duty. Thank you for putting yourself out there, even when it was terribly inconvenient to do so. Thank you for being there, with your pom-poms ready and your shoulders to cry on, even if I didn't use them. Sometimes just knowing they are there is enough. Thanks for your advice, even when I didn't really want it. Thanks for valuing my opinion enough to ask for it and enough to not be angry when I gave it and it wasn't asked for. Thanks for making me a better person.

Paying It Forward,

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