Word of the Year {2017}

She loves the smell of
warm coffees,
bloomed roses
and new beginnings.

~ S.A.

 

Wow, it's been over a year since I said I'd be better about blogging.  Oops.  Life happened, but I guess that's everyone's excuse, am I right?  I promise I might try to think about doing better maybe.  😉

I put a lot of thought into choosing my one word.  It's a daunting challenge.  This one word acts as your lighthouse for 365 days.  The temptation was there to choose a big, beautiful word, something that people would read and think, "My gosh, that woman is a genius.  Let us bow at her feet." 

Then something happened. 

I made a post on Facebook about how I've gotten to the point where I really don't enjoy the Christmas season anymore.  Overwhelmingly, the advice I got was to "learn to say no."  But when I analyzed myself, I realized that it's not "no" I have a problem with.  I'm great at saying "no".  I could be the great curator of the no museum. No, no, no, no, no.

I also say "yes" a lot, lest you think I'm some kind of Negative Nancy.  I say yes so much that I am frequently overextended.

But back to no.

I've always suffered from a bit of mild social anxiety.  I'm also a closet introvert.  If you know me in real life, you're probably like

but it's true.  For a while after my sister died, I suffered from a more generalized anxiety and panic attacks.  For someone who already felt anxiety in social situations, it was really terrifying.  I stopped accepting invitations to go places unless my husband went with me.  I didn't attend birthday parties, even for my own nieces and nephews, unless I had somewhere to escape.  And if I had to drive more than 15 or 20 minutes, forget about it.  Not happening.  If you wondered why I fell off the face of the earth from 2012-2014, there you go.  I liked people, I probably needed to be around those people but I couldn't face the possible humiliation of a breakdown, even though I had a whole one episode in public.  That's my deep, dark secret.  (I am better now, so if you still love me and want to see me, I will make an effort if you promise not to judge me if I start getting nervous.  😊 ) 

So, all of that was to say this.  I am really great at no.

What I discovered though, was that I'm not so great at "why."  And I don't mean in the "let me justify why I just told you no" kind of way.  I already do that, even when I don't want to.  I'm working on it.

My One Word for 2017 will be WHY.  #oneword365

Finding my why.  Remembering my why.  Justifying myself to no one but myself. 

365 days to discover who I am as a person and to grow from it.

365 days to learn to be as purposeful as possible.

I'm excited for the journey.

Jen